Porn is love you can see.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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