Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
