I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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