# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
i need some magic done to my vagina
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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