Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
