I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
