Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
