It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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