I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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