Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Couch. On fire.
Randomize
