i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
