So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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