I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Randomize
