Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Randomize
