i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
