why didn't you poke me back
look no pants
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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