Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
