her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
