i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize
