At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
