i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
