I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
birth control should be required to get into college
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
