i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
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