Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
