I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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