But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
