fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
And the cops told us we were all naked.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I need moral support for this bender
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
