you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
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