Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
