I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
