I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
