All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
