I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
