So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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