you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
