It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
