just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
this hospital has no fireball
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
