with your own penis?
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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