i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
