Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
