is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
