Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
