College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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