I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
