you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
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