I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
