I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
