i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
