Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Your cock deserves a montage
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
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