Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
