someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
