it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
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