I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Randomize
