You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
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