I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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