Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
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