today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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