Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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