you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
