He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
