i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
His nipple licking is glorious
Randomize
