Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
