The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
someone owes me an orgasm
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
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