so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
