I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
