end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
