Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
