You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
