Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Randomize
