Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Randomize
